Just after lunch, the hospital called LSS. “The Aged FIL has been repaired. So we’re sending him back home.”
“What, already!” exclaimed LSS. “Are you sure? The Home Nursing Service asked me to tell you that he will not be able to get the amount of specialised care he needs at home; therefore he should either stay in hospital until he’s completely better, or he needs to be referred to a retirement home catering for patients with special needs.”
“That is unacceptable,” said the hospital staff member. “He’ll be better off at home. His family should be looking after him, not us. So we’re sending him back now. Goodbye.”
Um, his family should be looking after him? What? That means LSS. Is she medically trained to operate lève-malades/change catheters/bed-sore bandages/nappies? No.
Gosh this hospital is good: curing someone of all their complaints within 24 hours! If you know anybody who’s ill, I strongly recommend that you send them to La Source in Orleans. Even Lourdes* is not as effective.
When the head of the Home Nursing Service was made aware that the Aged FIL had returned home, she telephoned the hospital herself. Unfortunately she received an ear-bashing instead of any assistance.
I suspect that tomorrow, or the day after, LSS will receive a telephone call from one of the carers, along the lines of “The Aged FIL is having <insert random problem here> again. Call the doctor quick!”
To which the reply will be “Unfortunately the local doctor is now on holiday. And there is no locum.” (True on both counts)
So the fire brigade will need to be called, to send an ambulance, to take him to hospital. Rinse and repeat.
Health Service? Don’t make me laugh.
We are considering selling the film rights to this story.
*A French town reputedly known for apparent miraculous healings