La Darnoire

Well, our Internet problems are not yet a thing of the past. Oh, we have Internet access all right. And for once it’s not Orange with the problem. Apart from speed, of course – the Orange line is currently running at 500kps instead of their promised 2Mbps. Satellite speed on the other hand is over 20Mbps. The technology is working fine.

No, the problem lies with the satellite service provider, Europasat. The service was up and running on the 4th of July. Now bear in mind we’re limited to a total of 20Gb in traffic – that’s both uploading and downloading. For reasons best known to themselves, Europasat have decided the limit is 17Gb for download, and 3Gb for upload. Here’s the technical bit. When you access a web page, your browser sends a request to the server. This request is considered an “upload”. And the server sending the web page to your browser is the “download”. Clear? Right. Now for the following paragraph I think you need at least a master’s degree in Advanced Mathematics.

Having happily used the satellite for a week, I thought I’d check our usage statistics. Shock! Europasat’s web page reported that we’d used 13.73Gb of our 17Gb download allowance. Not a chance. For ordinary web surfing and emails? No way. And the 3Gb upload allowance? Er, that didn’t make sense. Apparently we’d used negative 0.27Gb, so out of the 3Gb allocated, we still had 3.27Gb left to use.
Add the two together: 13.73+3.27=17.00.
20Gb allowance – 17Gb = 3Gb unaccounted for.
Fast forward two months. Our usage is still showing the same figures. In other words, their system is not updating itself.

Anyway, that’s not the problem. Although we’re supposed to pay €39.95 per month for this service, it took them three weeks to take the connection fee and first payment. That was for July’s service. Since then, nothing. We basically owe them for two month’s service, but they’re just not taking the money. I even called them up at the end of August and spoke to their accounts department, explaining that we had agreed to a monthly payment. What we didn’t want was to pay nothing for ages, and then have say ten months’ worth of subscriptions suddenly taken from our bank account in one go. This sort of thing plays havoc with the budget.
“Oh yes, I see. There’s a problem. Well I’m not going to be able to resolve it on the phone now, we’ll look into it.”
As of today, they still haven’t taken August or September’s payments.
I don’t know how they’re surviving as a company with this sort of attitude to cash-flow.
So although we’re happy with the technology, Europasat’s customer service and accounting leave much to be desired. In all honesty, if you’re considering satellite internet, don’t use Europasat.

In other news, the limecrete floor for the barn has progressed; there’s less than a quarter left to do. However, we’ve run out of gravel, so we’ll need to take a trip to the quarry next week. As long as the weather holds out and temperatures do not drop too much, we may even have the floor base finished this year. Here’s one of the latest photos:

Oh yes, I’d forgotten. You haven’t seen the finished bathroom yet. It’s a bit difficult to photograph, but here’s what it looks like now:

As far as husbandry is concerned, this year has been an “annus horribilis” for the bunnies. Mrs. Bunny did not have a litter after all, so she is now in the freezer. Neighbour J gave us a replacement Mrs Bunny. Unfortunately two weeks later we lost one of the last batch to myxomatosis. And it looks very much like the three remaining animals have it as well.

Chirpy is still doing fine and has the run of the garden. She particularly likes it when LSS digs up potatoes, because there are Things To Eat (like mole cricket larvae and various other beetles and grubs).
Speaking of hens, the other nineteen have become Houdinis, and escape from their enclosure on a regular basis. We’ve discovered that the reason for this is that the plastic netting has become perished. They stick their heads through the mesh to get to a particularly juicy blade of grass, the mesh tears, and off they go. So as mentioned previously, I’m constructing replacement fencing panels out of chicken wire. I estimate some 50 panels are needed. I’ve made and installed 15 so far.

The gravel road on the property is now fully repaired; all the potholes have been filled. And I’ve also thinned a couple of oaks alongside the repaired road, bringing back the wood to be processed and stored in the wood-shed. Next I need to tackle some leaning birch and aspens in the field we call Soggy Bottom. We gave it that name because it’s at the bottom of the property, the ground is normally very wet for most of the year, and if you sat down that’s what you’d get.

In August, summer finally arrived with a vengeance. Temperatures were very high indeed for a few days. I have an old refrigerator outside the workshop, which I had converted for use as a smoker. I haven’t used it that much; once for smoking some tanned rabbit pelts as an experiment in making them more waterproof, and once to smoke and dry some deer meat. Anyway, the point is, I have a thermometer mounted in the door so I can check the temperature inside. On several days in a row it reached 42 °C.

And the dry conditions have meant that LSS has had to water the garden in the evenings. Of course when I designed the solar power system, I had measured the electricity consumption of the borehole pump for a week, and sized the battery bank accordingly. Unfortunately this did not take into account the daily watering of the garden. So on the second day, the inverter alarm went off; the batteries had insufficient power left for the borehole pump.
It was a matter of minutes to switch the borehole power supply from the batteries to the mains. So we now know – we do have the ability to be independent from the mains electricity as far as the water supply is concerned, as long as we don’t water the garden. Yes, the size of the battery bank could be increased; but with each battery costing €130, we’ll have to wait until we have sufficient funds. Buy some of my books, won’t you!

Despite the heat, and LSS’s dire predictions, the garden has produced some crops. The potatoes have a satisfactory yield, and as for green beans, well, we now have sufficient quantities preserved to last us a year or two. The sweetcorn has also done very well this year, and the tomatoes are also all right. Fruit trees, on the other hand, are not happy at all. We may get a few pears, but apples will be in short supply. I suppose because there was a bumper crop last year we shouldn’t complain.

Cutting the grass and brush in the alleyways around the property has now been completed for this year, so I removed the brushcutting attachment on the tractor and reinstalled the transport box. The two fallen aspens have now been brought back to the wood-processing area, and are well on their way to being transformed into firewood. I’m having to do the wood cutting-and-splitting first thing in the mornings before it gets too hot. This is normally a winter-time job, but this year things have been pushed back a bit because of the finalization of the bathroom construction. Oh yes – and the washing machine has finally been moved from one of the outbuildings into the space reserved for it in the bathroom.

Speaking of construction, a start has also been made on the conversion of the rest of the barn. Nearly half of the remaining floor area has been transformed from beaten earth to limecrete. If the weather holds, we may be able to finish this before winter, meaning that next year the barn will get a tiled floor. Because the cement mixer has been busy, we’ve also had to take several trips to the local quarry with the trailer for more supplies of sand. And there’s not much left of the ten tons of gravel which we had delivered in 2014 (two years ago already?!)

We’ve also brought back several loads of crushed limestone, which we’ve used to fill the pot-holes in the dirt roads around the property. Oh, isn’t it fun!

The tanning of bunny skins is still ongoing; I now have 61 in stock. Perhaps this winter I’ll make a start on the bedspread. I already have two skins reserved for the making of slippers, but have been waiting until I had some suitable leather for the soles. When neighbour T delivered a road-killed deer to us a while ago, this was the answer, and I tanned the skin. However, the resulting pelt was not very satisfactory. I have discovered that leather only becomes supple if it is worked whilst drying. And although rabbit skins can be stretched by hand, a deerskin can’t. It needs to be worked over a sharp edge. So I’ve been keeping my eyes open for a suitable deerskin-working-stretching tool.
I found one in the Aged FIL’s workshop. I think it was originally meant to be a felling wedge. It’s basically a piece of metal shaped like an axe-head, but it’s aluminium. Of course the Aged FIL had tried to use it as a splitting wedge, so the blunt end was very damaged. I tidied it up and mounted it on a stand, so it’s now ready to be used in earnest.

The plastic netting around the chicken enclosure has started becoming the worse for wear. Some recent windy days didn’t help much either; the netting is torn in several places. I reinforced it with some wire mesh temporarily, and have started constructing some fence panels which will eventually replace it. Each panels consists of a wooden frame, 2 metres long by 1 metre high, with chicken wire stapled to it. The idea is that they will be light enough to move around if we want to move the fence. Between each two panels, additional support will be provided by a plastic electric fence post. I’ve made eight panels so far, and am treating this as a fill-in job between other tasks like pouring limecrete. I’ve also constructed a hinged gate using the same technique, which means we no longer have to step over the plastic netting when entering the chicken enclosure. This is a Good Thing, because to date I have twice measured my length on the ground through getting one foot caught in the top of the netting.

But August has not just been all work and no play. Friend V arrived to stay for a few days, and this happened to coincide with the timing of the Perseid meteor shower. So we spent a few nights outside in deckchairs under the stars, covered with mosquito repellent, going “Ooooh” and “Aaaah” to the natural fireworks. During the daylight hours we put Friend V to work picking elderberries, to be used for this year’s batch of elderberry wine.

It so happened that the finals of the national French competition for Dog Agility took place in a nearby town, so we went to watch. Personally, I thought the turnout for a national competition was rather disappointing. The majority of the spectators were the families of the participants. We didn’t stay too long; it was horribly hot, and there were no shady trees anywhere near the event. I felt sorry for the dogs.

We have also had a few barbecues, with CC (a new abbreviation for you – see Cast List at the top right) and his missus as invited guests to one of them. We had one barbecue in particular last year where I cooked sosaties (a type of South African kebab) – and they had liked them so much they requested a repeat this year. As a reward for the barbecue they invited us to use the swimming pool at the gîte whenever we wanted – as long as there were no paying guests in residence, of course. We took them up on this offer one very hot Saturday afternoon.
Perhaps I should explain about CC, as this is the first time I’ve mentioned these initials. In the past I’ve referred to him as “the temporary next-door neighbour with the gîte“. If you haven’t been to France, a gîte is self-catering holiday accommodation. You see, the property next door used to be a working farm, but the owner retired and decided to sell. It was purchased by a chap who works in the construction industry. Not that he wields a trowel or pushes a wheelbarrow, you understand. In fact, I believe he’s one of the Directors of this particular company. He used to work with his father, until his father retired. And in fact several years ago the Aged FIL got the father to do some repair work on La Darnoire’s roof, which is why it’s still in good condition.
Anyway, they upgraded the farmhouse next door, converting it into accommodation for twelve people, and installing a swimming pool. The barn was upgraded at the same time, and turned into a small house for the owners. They don’t actually live there; they have several other houses scattered around the area, so they sometimes use this place as a weekend retreat.
It was a bit strange when we met CC for the first time. He had no concept of “personal space” so tended to stand right up in front of you when talking, which was somewhat disconcerting. He’s improved recently though – perhaps his missus put him wise to his habit.

Having had a few barbecues also meant my stock of firelighters was getting rather low, so I made some more. I keep a large barrel in my workshop, which over time I fill with sawdust and wood shavings, especially when I am transforming old pallets into something else. We also have a stock of cardboard egg cartons. As we have hens, people seem to assume we collect these. And I have a bucket of paraffin wax left over from when the late MIL used to do preserves. This used to be melted and poured over the food before the jar was closed. We have no use for it normally.

So I fill the hollows in the egg carton with sawdust and shavings, pressing it down firmly. Some melted wax is then poured over the mixture and left to harden. When you want to light a fire, simply tear off one of the egg pockets and light that. It burns for about ten minutes, by which time the charcoal is fully alight.

On Sunday, LSS’s Parisian cousins came to lunch. They spent the afternoon fishing in the pond and took a bagful of small fish home with them.

Friend L came to visit one Saturday; but just for a lunch – she didn’t stay. And later that afternoon, JP (again, see Cast list at top right if you’ve forgotten who JP is) paid us a flying visit with his son. They had been delivering a trailer-load of hay to a farm nearby. Well, I say farm. It’s basically a house with a small plot of land. But the owner is a horse-trader. He buys horses cheaply – probably from Eastern Europe, fattens them up a bit, and then sells them on. Some of the new arrivals are in pitiful condition. Anyway, as he does not have much land, he needs to buy hay for them to eat. Enter JP, who has lots of hay. He’ll be returning next week with the tractor, towing the super-large trailer, with a bulk load of hay this time. Today was just the reconnaissance trip. JP and his son then went off to see the Aged FIL.

Meanwhile, LSS had gone for a walk with Friend V, and as well as meeting JP en route, they encountered a UK-registered vehicle entering the Aged FIL’s farm. Their GPS had directed them to a road called “Taillevert”. Unfortunately, all the unpaved roads around here are called “Taillevert”. For a long time, I thought it was the French term for “green lane” – in other words, an un-named road suitable for vehicles, generally of the 4×4 variety. I have since found out that it’s actually the name of this “district” on the Land Registry documents. The worried-looking driver was very surprised – and relieved – to find somebody who spoke perfect English in the deepest darkest French countryside! LSS deduced they were looking for the gîte next door, and gave them directions.

Then, the following Saturday, we were surprised by a white mini-bus full of Dutch youngsters arriving in our courtyard. This was surprising because the courtyard is reached via a private road from the Aged FIL’s farm. The driver didn’t know much French, but spoke very good English. They were lost. Just like the English visitors the previous week, their GPS had instructed them to follow “Taillevert” to get to the gîte next door. They were very apologetic about being on a private road, and very grateful for the directions to their destination. Obviously the GPS satellites have had a recent Windows Update…

Speaking of the Aged FIL, not much news to report on that front. He had an appointment with the bank one Monday. Not that he went to the bank, of course. The bank manager came to him. It was so that he could sign some documents giving LSS signatory powers for his chequebook, as his signature has been becoming more and more illegible. Now at least LSS can sign cheques on his behalf.

The Renault 5 once again went for its roadworthiness test, the “contrôle technique“. Much to my surprise, it passed.

And what news of the menagerie? Well, the four little chicks are growing rapidly. We think one of them may be a cockerel, so there’ll be some competition with George in the future. And the little rescued chick is now actually larger than the other four. Not surprising; she’s still separated from all the other hens, but now has the full run of the garden, so is not competing for food. She comes when called (we’ve called her Chirpy) and eats out of your hand. So we now have a new pet.

Here she’s saying hello to the little Mr. Bunny by eating some of his dandelions. He doesn’t seem to mind.
She still sleeps in one of the empty rabbit cages, because it’s the safest place for her at night. I made a little perch for her, and she does use it, although her preferred roosting spot is on top of the lawnmower handle in the shed. We have to move her from there into the cage though; the lawnmower handle is no protection from foxes.

Mrs Bunny did not have a litter after all. So I think she’ll soon be introduced to Mr Le Creuset. Neighbour J has offered us another Mrs Bunny as a replacement.

Other than that, sundry repairs and maintenance have taken place. Things like sharpening chainsaw chains, changing the oil on the lawnmowers, and tidying the workshop. I can now see the top of my workbench. I wonder how long this will last?

And August has arrived. Doesn’t time fly?

Well, we managed to take a long-weekend break at the end of July. We visited three cemeteries.

I can see your eyebrows raised in puzzlement. Well, these were not three ordinary cemeteries. We went to Normandy, you see. We visited Omaha beach, Pointe du Hoc, and also the D-Day museum in Bayeux. Very poignant.

But the best thing about the trip? No mosquitoes or horseflies! Of course there was a reception committee of these waiting when we returned.

Before we left, the tractor was unfortunately out of action. LSS had somehow missed seeing a large tree-stump whilst cutting the grass at the Aged FIL’s with the brushcutter attachment. A front wheel hit the stump, but the rest of the tractor continued going forward; with the result that the steering rod assumed a new shape with a 60-degree bend in it. I brought the tractor back here, with difficulty. It turned left fine, but turning right was a no-no. That was an interesting experience, as the road has several right-hand turns. Having removed the steering rod, I decided that bending it straight again was not really an option; it really needed to be replaced. So, as is my custom, I did some research. A replacement part could be ordered online. The best price I found was €230. Plus carriage, of course.

Now the Aged FIL’s neighbour had told LSS to go to a tractor scrapyard in a small town called Talcy, some 70km away. Their prices were very good, he said.

On the way back from Normandy, we realised that we would be passing fairly close to Talcy, so we decided to drop in and have a look. LSS called them on her mobile whilst we were stopped for lunch at the roadside. Unfortunately they were unable to say whether they had the part, or how much it would be. We decided to go in any case. When we arrived, we spoke to the manager and told him what we needed. He pointed out the location in the scrapyard, gave me a tape measure, and told me to go and have a look. “I’m busy,” he said. “Unlike some, I’m not on holiday.”

This did not bode well.

After some hunting around I found the right part; but of course it was exceedingly rusty; as it had obviously been out in the elements for several years. I carried it back to the office, where the manager started writing out a bill of sale. “Hang on,” I said. “You haven’t told me a price yet. It may be too expensive.”
“How much is too expensive?” he asked.
I thought for a moment, calculating that anything up to €80 would be reasonable. But let’s start low, and see if we can haggle.
“Anything over €55.” I replied.
He chuckled. “Oh, it’s nowhere near that figure.”
“That’s good,” I said.

He looked through his notebook, obviously hunting for the section headed “How to overcharge customers, especially when they’re English”.
…
“That will be €150.”
“Right,” I said. “I’ll put it back.”

LSS had stayed in his office chatting with him whilst I was out looking for the part. He had told her that these parts were over €400 new. He had also mentioned to her that he knew her cousins quite well – they go there for spares regularly.

We left in fairly short order; I think he was extremely surprised. Well, I wasn’t going to pay that price for a piece of rusty metal! When we got back I had a brainwave, and using my schoolboy German – with the assistance of Google Translate – searched through some tractor spares sites in Germany. You see, the tractor is a Deutz, which is German.

I found a brand-new steering rod for the grand total of €184, including postage. So I bought it. This was on Wednesday. It arrived on Friday. From Germany. Via DHL.

So the cousins are being ripped off by going to this place. Mind you, it’s not surprising; they have a deep suspicion of the Internet, and their attitude is the same as most people around here: France is The Best. Country. Ever. for buying stuff.

In other news, LSS has once again commenced digging in the barn, removing a thick layer of beaten-earth floor. Next it will be my job to pour the next batch of limecrete. The bathroom painting is nearly complete as well.

Oh yes – you were probably wondering if there had been any other developments on the telephone front. Well, we decided we would ditch Orange and go with one of their two competitors, SFR. We selected their cheapest package, consisting of telephone and internet only. Actually all we need is the telephone; but you can’t just get that – you have to have Internet as well. However, when we attempted to order it, we discovered that they were obviously getting all our details from our existing telephone number. Which was a problem. Because our address was shown as “name of road, village, postcode”. And the road mentioned is some five kilometres away. There was no mention of “La Darnoire” at all. And you can’t add anything to their online form fields.

Now LSS happened to mention this to Friend V in a telephone conversation. “Oh, that’s easy to fix,” she said. “Just go into one of their physical shops and they’ll sort it out for you.”
So we trotted off to their closest physical shop, which is some 35km away in Orleans…

There was one salesperson in the shop, currently dealing with a couple who had a young daughter. She was obviously bored, because she was running around pulling sample mobile telephones off shelves. There were two other people queuing to be served, and two more arrived just after we had joined the queue.
When it was eventually our turn, we explained which package we wanted, and what the problem was.
“Oh, that’s an Internet-only offer,” said the salesperson. “You can’t order it here. You’ll have to do it online.”
“But we can’t, because the address is incomplete and it won’t let us correct it!” exclaimed LSS.
“Sorry, can’t help you. Next!”

Salesperson Of The Year Award.

The next day, much to our surprise, the young neighbouring farmer came to see us. He’d finished his harvesting, and wanted to tell us that he’d already trimmed the offending tree branches impeding the Orange telephone lines. We were very impressed.

So LSS called Orange…
Actually, you can probably figure out what happens next, can’t you?

“So, you have a technical problem with your Internet?” asked the Orange-Support-person-in-Morocco.
“No!” said LSS. “Your previous engineer asked for some tree branches to be trimmed so that Orange could then replace the old telephone wiring, some 500 metres from our property. He said to call Orange when the work had been done, so that’s what I’m doing. The branches have been trimmed, so you can now arrange for the wires to be replaced. We don’t have a problem; the phone is working fine at the moment.”
“I see,” said the Orange-Support-person-in-Morocco. “And how long has this problem been going on? Let me just test your line.”
… pause …
“Hello?” said LSS. “Wait a minute!”
… click click click beep click …
… pause …

“No, everything looks fine from here. We’ll send an engineer out to investigate, and your problem will be resolved in 48 hours. Thank you for calling Orange. Goodbye.”

Later that day LSS received an SMS message from Orange, confirming the engineer visit, and warning that if no problem was found, the visit would be chargeable.

In the interim, LSS had found the mobile number of the original Orange engineer (“T1” from the last post) who had requested that the tree branches be cut. So she went to the Orange website and cancelled the unwanted engineer visit; then called T1. He said he’d come and inspect the work, and if it was satisfactory, arrange for new wires to be installed.

One final thought on modern telecommunications:
During our forced isolation from the online world, we realised that we were also cut off from world news. LSS found one of the Aged FIL’s radios; but obviously the only stations we could get were French, and local news (and football) was their main interest. I remembered that when I was a young lad, my parents owned a shortwave radio. The entire globe was accessible. They particularly liked the BBC World Service.

So, as soon as our Satellite Internet was up and running, I bought a small shortwave receiver online. It wasn’t expensive. When it arrived, I discovered I can listen to Radio China with no trouble at all. But where was the BBC news?

Well. It turned out that the BBC (and many other stations) stopped broadcasting on the shortwave band several years ago.

Why? Because they considered that in this modern technological age, everybody had access to the Internet, so they could listen to radio stations online instead.
And yes, it’s very good. You have your pick of almost any radio station in the world, no matter how obscure.

But when the connection to the Internet goes down…

Could it be possible that our Orange problems have finally been resolved?

An engineer turned up. It was T1, from last time – although his friend T2 was absent. This time, T1 had taken the trouble to test the cabling along the road on his way here. He had found that the old cable running alongside the main road was perished, and damaged in several places by tree-branches. The cable on our property – which was installed four years ago to connect us to the telephone network – was still fine.

The trees along the damaged section need to be pruned before a new cable can be installed. And who is responsible for this unenviable task? According to the Orange engineer, it’s the local council.
Now a few weeks ago we were discussing things with a young farmer near here (coincidentally, he just happens to own the land along which the damaged cable travels), and he informed us that the village had been doing its utmost to avoid this sort of work. Instead, they insist that this sort of thing is the responsibility of the landowner. I do hope that is not the case. If so, it will be a very long time indeed before this particular farmer does anything about it, because:
a) his father passed away earlier in the year and he’s having to run the entire farm on his own; and
b) he’s rather a difficult character most of the time anyway.
Mind you, even if the village turns out to be responsible, it will still be a very long time indeed before the village does anything about it. And I don’t have a stepladder tall enough.

Anyway, LSS visited the Mairie in the afternoon to tell them that Orange had requested that the trees be pruned.

As a temporary measure, the engineer removed the wall box which was installed when we were first connected four years ago. He replaced it with a new one, and this time it has a proper telephone connector rather than just an RJ11 port marked in bold type “TEST PURPOSES ONLY”. He then plugged in an ADSL filter, and connected the Livebox to that. At least the telephone works now. We’ll see if it lasts.

I’m pleased to report little chicky has survived, and is eating and drinking normally. (S)he is becoming more accustomed to us, and now whenever we arrive at the rabbit cage home, we are greeted with lots of cheeping.

The Livebox is still going up and down like a yo-yo. Through the satellite internet, connection was established with customer service, who called LSS’s mobile.
“But an engineer visited you on the 15th!” said the Orange Customer Service (there’s an oxymoron for you) representative.
“No they didn’t. We were home all day and nobody turned up.”
“Oh! Let me just check the address. Ah. That’s the problem: there’s no house number provided! Just *Road Name*.”
“In that case how is it possible the previous engineers found us? And your information is incorrect anyway. That *Road Name* is about four kilometres away. The address is simply ‘La Darnoire’. It’s an old farm.”
Directions were then given, with a request that these details be noted on the account.
“An engineer will be with you on Tuesday next week.”

Yes, of course they will.

Payal donations are now being gratefully accepted for a much-needed holiday. Or a one-way ticket for two to the Bahamas; we’re not fussy.

Well, I had no need to worry about the technicians saying everything was fine and the visit would be chargeable.

They simply didn’t turn up.

But the funny thing is, when I looked at the incident report online, it stated the following: (translated of course)
“A technician came at the date and time agreed with you. He could not gain access to your home to check the proper operation of your line. If the fault persists, you can contact a client advisor to arrange a new appointment.”

I wonder where he went?

I split some more firewood in the morning, and was interrupted by a commotion in the hen pen. The single chick which we had separated (with its mother) from the rest of the flock had somehow managed to escape through the dividing fence, and was again being attacked by the others, including George. I rescued it, and we put it into one of the rabbit cages. It has no feathers left on its neck, and a large chunk of skin is missing. Hopefully it survives; if so we’ll keep it in the rabbit cage until it’s large enough to defend itself from the others. The other four chicks have doubled in size and seem to have been accepted by the rest of the flock; mind you, their mother is a nasty piece of work – and fairly high up in the pecking order, so that may have had something to do with it. If we decide to repeat this process in future, we’ll only allow one broody hen at a time.

Oh – and the Livebox light was still green. Friend V telephoned LSS. Halfway through the conversation, the phone went dead as the Livebox light went red. I expect the technicians tomorrow will look at the green light and say “You see! Everything’s fine. You’ve called us out without a good reason, so that’s chargeable.” “Kerching,” says the Orange cash register.

Not long, is the answer to the last question I asked. This time, I managed to find an English-speaking technical support number for Orange. And in case you’re reading this in France, and need to call Orange, it’s 09 69 36 39 00. Anyway, as I was listening to the “on-hold” music, the Livebox cut off again. It came back on, I called again, listened to the “on-hold” music, it cut off. It came back on, but by then I’d lost the will to live, so didn’t bother trying again. Ten minutes later the phone rang. And it was the English Orange technical support! They informed me that the engineers who visited on the 11th had NOT in fact finished their task, and would be returning on Friday 15th. Would I be at home? Yes, I’ll make a special effort.

The morning was spent in the middle of a cloud of mosquitoes, cutting up the larger of the two fallen aspens. However, I’m currently using a lotion containing 50% DEET, and only have one horsefly bite. The wood was brought back with the tractor, and I spent a couple of hours in the afternoon with the axe.

In the evening we went to a barbecue at Friend E. We then went to the Mairie, where the traditional pre-14th of July event was taking place. All the children were given cardboard lanterns containing candles, and a procession took place, winding through the village to the local football grounds. We took a shortcut, instead of going the long way round with the procession. When everybody had gathered at the football grounds, there was a firework display.

Well. Not a day goes by recently without my talking about Orange. I expect you’re sick of it by now. Well, so are we. You see, Neighbour J called us to tell us she had some rabbit pelts for us. Two minutes after the telephone call, the Livebox went “click” and the light started flashing red again. I was right after all. It works fine as long as you don’t use it.

We did some research online – thanks to Europasat – looking at the offers from Bouygues and the other telecommunications company, SFR. The latter is a distinct possibility; at least their equipment is not made by Sagem. Sagem makes the Orange Livebox, and on all the fora (plural of forum in case you wondered) I’ve looked at, Sagem does not seem to have a good reputation.

Anyway, as we were going to Romorantin in the afternoon to have some passport photos taken, I took the Orange Livebox along. We popped into the Orange shop and had them test it. It worked fine. So when we got home again, we plugged in the Livebox. And the light stayed flashing….
Red.

I checked the Orange website to see if there were any incidents. “There are no problems in your area,” the site informed me.
Which tells me it’s either the line itself or a problem at the exchange. So LSS called them once again from the Aged FIL.
“There are problems in your area,” they said. “They will be resolved by midnight on the 15th.” Upon LSS expressing disbelief, and a short explanation of why; they did a “line reset”. The light on the Livebox immediately went green again. I wonder how long it will last?

(Alternative title: “When in France, Always Blame the Customer”)

I re-entered the house at 13:30, having spent all morning working on the problem with the reedbed sump. Almost immediately I received an SMS from LSS saying that the Orange technician was on his way. I replied saying I’d believe it when I saw it…

Wonder of wonders. Two minutes later a van arrived containing two Orange technicians. “We’ve come to investigate a problem with your Orange connection.”

I led them indoors, where the Livebox was displaying a flashing orange light. For brevity I shall refer to the technicians as “T1” and “T2”.
“So,” said T1. “When did the trouble start?”
“30th May,” I replied.
His eyebrows shot up. “30th MAY???”
“That’s correct.”

T1 unplugged the RJ11 cable from the wall socket, and plugged in a large piece of test equipment. The light on the Livebox obviously started flashing red as it lost what little connection it had. After a few moments:
T1: “It’s not finding it.”
He unplugged the test equipment, and reconnected the RJ11 cable. The Livebox was still flashing red.
T1: “It’s the box. You’ll need to change it.”
Me: “What, again?”
T2: “Oh! It’s been changed already? When?”
Me: “In April I think.”
T2: “Oh.”

T1: “What’s this thing?” (pointing to my Linksys router)
Me: “A Linksys router. It’s not connected to your Livebox. We were so fed up with Orange, that we got a satellite internet connection instead.”
T1 grunted.
“It’s a switch”, T2 said to T1. Yes, technically correct. It’s an ADSL router with an inbuilt switch, and the router part is not currently being used.

T2 then pressed the wifi button on the Livebox (I don’t use the wifi on the Livebox, even when we HAD an internet connection; so it was switched off). He seemed quite disappointed that it made no difference to the flashing red light.

T1 again unplugged the RJ11 cable from the wall socket. He examined the cable. “I don’t like the look of this wire, it’s not original.” He turned to me. “This is the problem. It belonged to the first box, so that’s probably why it’s not working,” he said. (No it didn’t, actually. It originally belonged to my 3-Com modem. But it’s longer than the one provided by Orange, so it can be routed neatly under LSS’s desk).

He plugged in the test equipment again.
T1: “Oh. It’s still not getting a connection.”
T2: “Try setting the speed.”
T1: “what should it be?”
T2: “2 meg.”
T1 fiddled with some buttons on the console.
T1: “It’s found it.”
T1 unplugged the test equipment, and dug in his bag, coming up with a length of RJ11 cable, which he connected to the wall socket. He gave the other end to T2, who plugged it in to the Livebox. The Livebox was still flashing red.
T2 switched it off and on again. (That’s an IT joke).
The light went from flashing red, to flashing orange, to steady green.

T1: “There you go. The problem was your wire.”
Me: “Thanks very much. Are you sure it’s going to stay like that?”
T1: “Oh yes, it’s all fixed now.”
Me: “Very good. Bon journée.”
They drove off.

I came back into the house to check, and burst out laughing. The light was flashing red. I sent an SMS to LSS to tell her. She called them; and they said they were testing the line and it would come back on momentarily.

True enough, the light started flashing orange. After a good five minutes, it hadn’t changed; so I left it to its own devices and went back to my work on the reedbed.

At 15:30, when I checked again, the light was green. I switched the wifi off.

Unconvinced of their explanation that my cable was at fault, I unplugged their RJ11 cable, and reconnected my original cable. (You see, in my box of computer bits-and-pieces, I do have a couple of spare RJ11 cables. When we had problems initially, I did try a different cable. It made no difference).

The Livebox light flashed red. Then orange. Then steady green.

So, it’s not the wire then.

An hour later there was a “click” from the Livebox. And the light started flashing red again. Just for the fun of it, I unplugged my RJ11 cable, reconnected theirs, and rebooted the box.
Result: the flashing red light continued to flash red.
Some time later I once again connected my own cable. The light turned green again about three minutes later.

So, apart from all of today’s fun with Orange, I managed to sort out the issue with the greywater sump. I removed the plastic barrel, enlarged the hole in the ground, and then poured a limecrete foundation, basically encasing the plastic barrel in limecrete. This should eliminate the need for bricks to hold it down when the water table rises. A new bilge pump was then installed, and everything is now back in working order.